welcome to my world :)

wierd lj

Sun, 15 Feb 2004 16:20:51 GMT

ayaw mag post ng update. anyway, salamat ang sa mga nanuod ng paly kahit napanuod na nila, and tart, japs, i missed you both and thanks for making me feel extra special. don't wanna make this too long kasi baka masayang lang ulit, twice na nabubura ginagawa kong mga update.

ang galing ni jobs and ama sumayaw. love you bros!

edit.

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 14:39:25 GMT

hindi "hear"..sinong engot, diba? i meant i want to tear my HAIR out. sorry naman.

kapalpakan.

Tue, 10 Feb 2004 14:37:34 GMT

sorry naman, nagkalat ako ng todo. i disappointed a lot of people. including myself. sorry naman, mali pa ata spelling ko ng "disappoint". wala na akong masabi. i messed up big time. nakakahiya. naiirita ako sa sarili ko. frickin' a.

then THEY watched. binulaga ako eh noh. ayun, akala ko handa na akong makita sila. hurts every time! parang ako pa yung na leleft out. saya ng ganito, nakakatuwang mabuhay. sana, diba, ayoko na.

sa mga natarayan ko ngayon, pasensha, ayoko lang maging plastic. my life is crappy right now, kaya nagtataray ako nang hindi sinasasya. sorry naman.

i want to tear my hear out. voices, shut the frick up!!! dagnabbit! ang ingay.

gag me.

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 14:05:55 GMT

of course he had his own version. hindi pwedeng mawala yun. how could i forget?? hay yen. good luck. hweh. itawa nalang natin ito. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! hindi ba't kay saya mg buhay? sinong gaganahan niyan? ang saya talaga.

oh let's smile and be happy.

Sun, 08 Feb 2004 13:22:47 GMT

hayy. here we go again with the whole you-can't-force-people-to-care-but-you-can't-stop-yourself-from-caring issue. it's so hard! parang the way you feel is just...wrong. there's always a reason behind why who did what. ayun tuloy, you end up feeling bad for feeling the way you did. then you end up feeling guilty so you apologize...and end up with twice the pain or the dissapointment. then it just kind of piles up until you can't take any more...so you leave, fed up and oober sad. nakaka lungkot lang. speaking of sad...

mom came over to the house today, thinking manang was home alone...boy was she wrong! papa was in the lanai. there they stood, less than 5 feet from each other. mom goes, "oh, danny, i'm sorry. i thought justine was home alone so i came to check on her." and my dad? parang hangin lang si mom. he turned around and walked away, upstairs ata. waw. how sweeet! yay. happy family.

hurr. who sang "hold on"? ahh. good charlotte. saaad, ayaw nila ipapost yung lyrics sa internet. anyway.

eto song courtesy of ivers. i love this, but i didn't know the title :)...now i do!

FLY by Jars of Clay

Be still let your hand melt into mine
The part of me that breathes when you breathe is losing time
I can't find the words to say I'll never say goodbye

(Chorus)
And I'll fly with you through the night
So you know I'm not letting go, I'm not letting go
Tears like rain fill up the sky
Oh my love I'm not letting go
I won't let you go

I saw a host of silent angels
Waiting on their own
Knowing that all the promises of faith
Come alive when you see home
Hold still and let your hand melt into mine

(Chorus)

(Bridge)
Shed your heart and your breath and your pain
And fly......
Now you're alive

(Chorus)
I'm not letting go
I won't let you go
I'm not letting go
I won't let you go

this is what comes of too much internalization.

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 14:39:35 GMT

one of theses days, michelle branch

I didn't notice
But I didn't care
I tried being honest but that lead me nowhere
I watched the station
Saw the bus pullin through
and I don't mind sayin
a part of me left with you

Chorus:
So one of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause thats where i'm home

Did I make you nervous?
Did I ask for too much?
Was I not deserving one second of your touch?

Chorus:
One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause thats where i'm home

What would you do if I could have you?
oh if I could
I'd let you feel everything i'm thinkin
Wouldn't that be nice?

One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you

hmm. nice song. falling into sad mode....bawaaaaaaaal. gotta pull myself out of this funk, before i get stuck for good.

moving on. sing galore nalang ako. i'm a freak-y banana :) hweh. ayun, kanta nalang ako ulit.

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50,000 tears I've cried
Screaming,
Deceiving,
And bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me
....Going Under....
Don't want your hand this time
I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reach the bottom

(Chorus)
I'm...dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm...going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
(So I don't know what's real)
(So I don't know what's real and what's not 2x)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm...dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, so go on and scream
Scream at me, so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe
I can't keep going under

I'm...dying again
I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through,
I'm, going under (going under)
Going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under

can this not be a song of the selfish? can this be the song of someone who is only now finding out who she is, because she was never given a chance to learn about herself earlier? can this song, in this case, represent the feelings of a confused, messed up, 18 year old f**** (bawal daw gamitin e) who just now discovered she is on the brink of losing her sanity? can i stop exaggerating now? shut up, yen...just...sing...

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy

CHORUS:
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
'Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

'Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
Feel the wind

Chorus

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming clean

Chorus

Let's go back
Back to the beginning

yay. i love this song. :) astig lang for me :)

thank God for everything that's happening. i know WE will get through this...not unscathed, but i know naman that God always provides us with more than we need always diba? He'll never leave us, and diba his strength is perfected in our weaknesses? basta hindi niya ako pababayaan. Chuck: hatakan na ito pataas, let's get me out of this rut! kaya to. family...you'll understand soon enough. love yous.

hurr.

Tue, 03 Feb 2004 13:43:43 GMT

first things first. tin, ang galing nung re launch, excpet we were like headless chickens without you! ate mimzy (spelling?) was like, o, yen, assign na whoever's staying where, chuva ek ek. i was like, whaaat? pero no choice, i kind of took charge...he, sorry ria...kasi parang she was so aburrido na o there. but the sketches were hilarious, and the message/plans were/are beautiful, tapos astig yung singing chevers. rock on, chuck, coco and uh, marco ba yun? and the band and everyone there, of course! basta ang galing...tataas ng mga energy ng mga tao, you could feel the loooooove :) yayness. tin, salamat talaga, i hope i can be even more active :) how was your...immersion?

sa lahat...i'm struggling right now, with, uh, myself? i guess this is one of the times in my life that i'm going to have to make some choices that will affect everything talaga...i just hope that walang judgement or anything; i really need you guys to back me up...pray for me please.

this question goes out to whoever can answer it or kahit try lang...how do i know for sure that i am where God wants me to be? i mean, that i'm following His will and not my own, that i'm serving and gratifying him? tama ba? basta un. helping. tapos commandment bang dapat agad magpabaptize chevers? ano yun?? i'm oober confused right now...

pasensha na kung wierd ako...basta sa lahat, thanks for being patient with me as always.

family! brother bear na ito :) miss yous.

can you say bored?

Thu, 29 Jan 2004 06:31:24 GMT

tin, i got na the tags you sent...i'll make the reg form later ng onti...thanks sooo much for giving me the chance to be more active =)

moving on to even more quiz results!

You are going to Marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.
Congrats!!

Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

* sis is going to kill me! hurr, isn't josh (yihee, feeling close) her latest dream guy - literally?

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

* hmm. interesting.

You are too innocent and sweet for your own good.

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

* too innocent and sweet? gag me.

You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

* i want oreooooos! wala lang.

Congratulations! You're a fuzzy navel!!

What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*what the *ucks a fuzzy navel?? anyone??

You are guided by light. While all can be bad
around you, you still stay calm and make things
better. There aren't a lot of people in the
world like you. (Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
brought to you by Quizilla

* astiiig...sana true ito, noh?? =)

Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

* nuff said.

Birds Chirping: Sweet and mellow, you are the
familiar and pleasant sound of birds chirping.
You are very down to earth and love the
outdoors. You show a love for simple things,
like the quiet whisper of the wind and the
crackling of the fire. You make people feel
secure and are a great friend. (please rate my
quiz)

What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

* aww...although i was rooting for laughter. o well...(towel!)

can you sense how bored i am?? hurr. i'm stuck in a funk again, but it's nothing i can't get out of. i gave my 1% this morning, sumobra pa nga, umabot ng mga 3% ata. yayness! atleast i'm growing, getting somewhere in this spiritual walk i'm taking...i hope...God's guiding me naman so it's all a great banana =)

snicker doodle! i missed you today! call me when you read this ha?

mga anak, miss you both muchly also =( hope to be seeing you both soon. love yous!

hurrr.

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 05:29:57 GMT

took so many quizzes. can you say bored?? hurr...tin! did you see the last one? that's what i was saying last night! *sniff* haha, saaad. sorry. ang wierd ko.

decided to stay home today and spend time with myself. basta un. oh, tin, salamat sa lyrics and no, our philo's in english, imbento ko lang ung pagninilay nilay =P

about the last quiz result...it's really sad that sometimes there are things others have to go through alone. although you want to be there for them, you kindda just have to butt out. how frustrating...

atleast andyan lagi si God =) he rocks!

mar, ivers, alala ko si renee (hee), "i feel, i know, i can."

un lang. i'm going to go make nilay nilay some more.

In the secret,
In the quiet place
in the stillness you are there
In the secrest in the quiet hour I wait
Only for you
Cause i want to know you more

Chorus
I want to know you
I want to hear your voice
I want to know you more
I want to touch you
I want to see you face
I want to know you more

I am reaching for the highest goals
That i might recive the prize
Pressing onward
Pushing every hinderance aside
Out of my way
Cause i want to know you more

Chorus
I want to know you
I want to hear your voice
I want to know you more
I want to touch you
I want to see you face
I want to know you more

Chorus x2

hope i'm doing this right..

Wed, 28 Jan 2004 05:18:11 GMT

You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Protector Fairy
Please rate my quiz I worked really hard for this
thanks

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla

engot.

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 10:41:52 GMT

i am easily hurt, and easily feel taken for granted that some may think i tend to overreact but i DON'T; and these are the times that i am trying to be true to myself.

this is me.

Tue, 27 Jan 2004 10:39:19 GMT

i am a sinner. i still become jealous over trivial things, and cry at the drop of a hat. things that may seem teeny to you, may be everything to me. i keep my feelings within, shielding myself from possible rejection and ridicule. my insecurities almost always get the best of me, and i am affected more by insults than by compliments. i am easily hurt, and easily feel taken for granted that some may think i tend to overreact but i'm not; and these are the times that i am trying to be true to myself. i fear that one day everyone i love will leave (except God, of course), and i will be left alone. this is who i am.

ito ang epekto ng philo sa akin. hurr. ikalawang lebel ng pag-ninilaynilay (a.k.a. secondary reflection). haha. ewan. song posting time!

never let go (josh groban)

i can't understand it
the search for an answer is met with a darker day
and we've been handed these moments forever
but i'm reassured there's another way

you don't have to close your eyes
there is room for love again
ease the pain to realize all that love can be
forced apart by tine and sand
take a step and take my hand
and don't let it go
never let go

broken, once connected
we were so strong and blessed in a simple way
so don't let me go it alone

turn your head up to the sky
nothing down below but me
face the truth to realize all that we could be
torn apart by rage and fear
hold on to what brought you here
don't let it go
never let go

nice. i love the lyrics. am i a masochist? i love hurtful songs! freak-o. moving on, family! i really need your helping. if you're all free on monday, could we have a semi-photoshoot for my death paper? please?? only if you can make it. oh, and when are we watching brother bearrrrrr? i'm excited!!! hee.

tin or chuck or whoever knows the song "in the secret", pa send ng lyrics! thankies!

short stories...=)

Sat, 10 Jan 2004 04:01:49 GMT

our internet's being wierd. i was supposed to update like, two days ago but i got disconnected (sorry tin) and i couldn't get back online. saad.

moving on. things i learned in the past few days: commute from school to sis' house!! yayness!! i took two jeeps and a trike...of course it was really obvious that i had no idea what i was doing. haha, i was todo smiling at everyone, halatang di sanay. i also learned that one of the most overwhelming feelings in the world is to have the person you love love you back...we studied this in philosophy. my prof, sir motilla, totally rocks by the way. =) hmm. ooh, and in peace education we watched this film called "the impossible dream". it was parang this mime animation thing, showing the typical day of a family. parang the mom would do all the work, aided only by her daughter, while the dad and the brother would just bum around. parang ganun. tapos in the end the mom had a dream that her husband and son were helping out in the household. that would be the impossible dream. haha. anyway, after the film our prof (who is ALWAYS smiling) told us how her home as a child used to be like that but now her brothers are married and their wives taught them how to help out at home, like do the marketing and the cooking and stuff. so, i learned also that we can educate men...gender equality and all that. =)

tamad to comment on lj's...topak parin kasi account ko. tin, i'm oooober happy for you guys, that you finally got Hugo. my bro says he really does look like a Hugo (i showed him the pics from your lj)! hee. can't wait to go and see him. chucks, congratulations on your math long test! you rock! =)

before i go have lunch, i'll post another song. =) oh, and for the record, i really like it, hindi ako nagpaparinig or anything.

Snow On The Sahara
by Anggun

Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean alone

Lost out in the desert
you are lost out in the desert

But to stand with you in a ring of fire
I'll forget the days gone by
I'll protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight

Lost out in the desert

If your hope scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above
for snow to fall on the Sahara
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above
for snow to fall on the Sahara

Just a wish and I will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the shadows come and darken your heart
Leaving you with regrets so cold

Lost out in the desert

If your hope scatter like the dust across your track
I'll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above
for snow to fall on the Sahara
If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts
I'll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above
for snow to fall on the Sahara

open the eyes of my heart, Lord...

Tue, 06 Jan 2004 12:27:50 GMT

i was depressed, then i was giddy, i got sick and then i felt loopy...trippy, HOPPY (haha, daughters), now i'm...subdued? dry, even. whoa. and feeling a bit feverish again. uh-oh.

i love the sound of laughter. jama and jobim were laughing throughout dinner, and i cannot remember having such a pleasant meal with them. i am grateful. =) i guess by now i now better than to take things like that for granted...

i am also grateful...for the sun, and the stars, and the moon...and for knowing God is with me always.

oh. mom asked to borrow pdl. yayness. don't be fooled, i am happy. just can't show it right now but i am. really. *sigh*

what is wrong with me? hmm. i think i'm even 'speaking' in straight english here. am i? yes, i am...oh. well.

err...got more lyrics. but i won't post them all, not in this update anyway. just want to share this one, because...well, just because. and just for the record though i doubt anybody would care really, my face as i type is blank also. hmm. sucky sucky.

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see
The smile upon your face
These are the moments
I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments
I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are
Is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments
I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Chorus:
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
Yeah right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you, Here with me
These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for...
And I could not ask for more

These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments, I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for...
And I could not ask for more.

thank YOU. =)

self pity:

Tue, 06 Jan 2004 04:55:44 GMT

ahah. saaad. i got soo sick last night. both eyes hurt real bad. it was so horrid that i couldn't decide when they hurt more- when i had them opened or closed. tae. plus my cheeks were ooober red, and i threw up. a lot. yick. gross, gross. then papa came home and got mad at me for not telling him (?) that i felt bad...what was i doing daw the whole time? i told him i was researching, and he got madder, why was i not taking my health seriously?? labo. and then he does what he loves to do:he self medicated. for me. basta un. he gave me 2 ibuprofen caplets and 1 allegra pill. then he makes pabili claritin. is he trying to kill me?? shiet. buti nalang hindi lethal un pag pinagsabay (proof: i live!). then he told me to make latag in him room so i would get well (as if!) so i did...but i couldn't sleep, because 1. he had his frickin' as* television on full blast, 2. he kept lecturing me (over the noise from the t.v.) about God-knows-what and 3. it was tooo damn cold in his room! then when i was finally dozing off, he got up and threw the boxes of kinotakara at me. it's this japanese madicine gauze looking chevers that you plaster onto the soles of your feet at night, tapos when you wake up in the morning ta-daa, the toxins from your body are somehow now on the gauze thingies. it works kasi for my time of the month cramps, so papa now uses it for every other sickness i encounter. merde and poo. oh, and i can't even listen to music or move around, my head hurts parin. this headache has been my companion since yesterday afternoon. yahoo, yahoo... now, today, i am home alone, reading up on john locke and egypt. pathetic, but i miss my mom. and manang. if they were here they'd know what to do, they'd take care of me. ='( chucks, thanks...ooober thanks...

on the brink of insanity here.........

Mon, 05 Jan 2004 10:07:49 GMT

my left eye is going to drive me nuts! kanina pa it was tearing up, and now i think it made hawa the other eye na also! (hahaha, mamar, epekto mo daw to! uptc na to, mehn!) but seriously, this sucks, big time.

i'm researching on john locke as i update...i can't believe it's back to school tomorrow. ehh. i doubt i'll be getting any rest tonight...ngaragan blues! woohoo. o well (towel...haha lagman. labo. pwe.), atleast fun naman to make visual aids, right polo? haha, don't fret; i won't be asking for your help this time. new year na, i'm planning on being a bit more independent. (besides, this report is for a 7:30 class, so no way you could help pa. hee. aioo!)

manang, kuya bjoy and ate kye heard me sing, and they all enthusiastically encouraged me to join S.I.A.M. .. any thuoghts? originally i thought it would be cool, coz then i could see manang tin more often, but then i realized that joining would mean being seen on television, singing in public in front of lots and lots of people and competing, which i definitely do not do. i dunno for sure if i'm scared of losing or being compared to whomever or it's stage fright...basta part of me wants to go and try it out, astig din naman...sayang yung opportunity to broaden whatever it is that gets broadened when you enter things like that. but then i heard sheryn and eric and christian (*sigh*), pati yung mga natalo...and i cannot sing like that. hehe. saaaad.

speaking of sad...i cannot ride a bike, nor can i climb a tree! got stuck up ras' mango tree. wah. wala akong childhood. i have to learn. i have to!!!! haha, mababaliw ako dito. engy banana. ano ba ito sa tagalog? hmm...bobong saging. ngek, mas maganda pag english. wala lang.

sentiness before signing off for now...if you close your eyes and not think that these are lines exchanged between two men, it's hella romantic.

ANGEL
Live in my house
I'll be your shelter
Just pay me back
with one thousand kisses
Be my lover
and I'll cover you

COLLINS
Open your door
I'll be your tenant
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet
But sweet kisses I've got to spare
I'll be there and I'll cover you

BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are my love
on life
Be my life

Just slip me on
I'll be your blanket
Wherever whatever
I'll be your coat

ANGEL
You'll be my king
and I'll be your castle

COLLINS
No you'll be my queen
And I'll be your moat

BOTH
I think they meant it
When they said you can't buy love
Now I know you can rent it
A new lease you are my love
on life all my life

I've longed to discover
Something as true as this is

COLLINS
So, with a thousand sweet kisses
ANGEL
(if you're cold and you're lonely)
COLLINS
I'll cover you

With a thousand sweet kisses
ANGEL
(you've got one nickel only)
COLLINS
I'll cover you

ANGEL
With a thousand sweet kisses
COLLINS
(When you're worn out and tired)
ANGEL
I'll cover you

With a thousand sweet kisses
COLLINS
(When you're heart has expired)
ANGEL
I'll cover you

BOTH
Oh, lover
I'll cover you
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, lover
I'll cover you

*kilig* sigh, one thousand kisses...=)

love you God! ehhe. un lang.

happy new nyeer...continued

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 13:29:37 GMT

mej bitin yung last entry ko...

i forgot to announce that i hit a dude on a motor bike along ayala road...i was backing up (malas ko pag ganun for life, mehn...) and i made sure there were no chevers behind me, when this guy tries to get in between me and the other car...labo. basta, so i hit him...and he ran. egh. sucky sucky.

all of a sudden my cousins are all here...have to go.

kuya dicklet, kambal kong ate kye...mahal ko kyo. :)

happy new year!

Wed, 31 Dec 2003 12:46:29 GMT

i'm at ritz in mica's room, haha. just wanted to update before the year ends. things to be thankful for this year: good friends, great blockies, definite improvement in the household, and of course, the much awaited acceptance of Christ. and i mean total surrender, mehn! astig tong taong to.

new year's resolutions:
- smile more often
- be more patient
- study harderrrrr!
- learn to appreciate the little things that are in fact, not so little
- love more, worry less
- strengthen my personal relationship with Him

meron pa ba? haha, that's it for now i guess.

have to go join them for dinner. so much for not getting fat!

merry CHRISTmas!!!!!!

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 04:16:59 GMT

i'm oooboer happy, and ooober energized! despite the fact that i drove all the way from caloocan to arcadia (near galle) to magallanes vilage in metro manila-last minute-christams-shopping-traffic, i still want to hop into the car, pick some berX up and go home hopping!!! (wow, i'm so hOppy!!!) :D pasko na, pasko na!!!!! i want to go see each and every one of my berX FAMILY!!!!! i miss them already!!!! and my hypernosity is going to drive the people here at home insane!!!! :D happy birthday, JESUS!!!! love You! :)

*kilig, kilig*

don't ask why, i don't think i'd be able to answer!!!!! :D

missed you, crew!!!!!! glad we were able to be together for Christmas!!!! :D Chucks, still thinking about that pet name ;) missed you!!! :)

benneeeeeeeeeeeeee! thanks for your post....MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! God bless you and your family :) miss you muchly, hope to be able to hear your voice man lang!!! :)

to my two gorgeous sisters and two beautiful daughters (who were indeed stunning the other night), to my snickerdoodle, my dear, my "honey" (jp wag mo kong harangan ng coke, lambing lang 'to), my tart, my *ehem* di (hahaha, jologggg!), and my bestest friend in the whole worrrld, merry merry merry Christmas!!!!!!! :D love you all!!!! i wouldn't be the way i am now if not for you. :)

huuuuuuuuuuuuugssssssssssssssssss and kisssssssssessssssssssss to all!!!!!!

just when you think things can't get worse...

Tue, 16 Dec 2003 16:22:20 GMT

they do.

wahweh. first off, to the Araneta brood...my deepest and most sincere condolences. chucks, i know this is something you must go through with your fam, but i'll always be right here. always...

advice lang sa mga tao, know what you want sana before moving in for the kill. hindi lahat ng pagkakamali madaling kalimutan at patawarin. but turo nga ni Jesus, we must learn to forgive. kung tayo nga napapatawad ni God no matter how grave the sin, right?

isa pa, uulitin ko pa ulit. i'd rather be the hurtee than the hurter. gets?? ayoko talaga ng ganito. i'm terribly sorry to those i've hurt kahit indirectly.

i guess you have to be careful who you trust, who you choose to give your heart to and stuff. isn't it great though, knowing that if you put all your faith in Him, you can't go wrong? hayy...one of life's great wonders. :) gave me my first smile of the day.

chuck, i'm sorry for being so kulit, but again, i'm right here waiting for you...just holler, okay?

parang line sa kanta yun. err. kebbers.

ay, berX, just to remind yous, on the 20th we have the ccf celebration at 3 p.m. fourth floor, i'm not sure of what building (malamang the old one), and then on the 22nd we have our much awaited dinner party, semi formal ha, in tart's home at 7:30 p.m. (mag announce daw ba?? loserr ko.)

love yous, family!

chuck, isa pa (oo na, makulit na ko) just came across this song...thought of you :)

When you’re all alone
And you need a light
Someone to guide you
Through the night
Just remember
That I am here
To hold you close and dry your tears

Ohh just when you thought you were falling
You know I’ll always be right there

When you’re all alone
And you need a friend
Someone to help you to the end
When you need someone to catch you when you fall
I’ll be there through it all

Ohh just when you thought you were losing
But you know I’ll always be right there

And I’ll be there through the good times and the bad
And we’ll be there for each other
You’re the best friend I ever had

Just when you thought you were falling
You know I’ll always be right there
Whenever you need me
I’ll always be right there
I’ll always be right there

pahabol lang, i'm in a singsongy mood.

Mon, 15 Dec 2003 07:19:15 GMT

(In Napoli where love is king when boy meets girl here's what they say)

When the moon hits you eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fagiole
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore

When the moon hits you eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore
Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling
And you'll sing "Vita bella"
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay, tippy-tippy-tay
Like a gay tarantella

When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fagiole
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore

Lucky fella
When the stars make you drool just like a pasta fagiole
That's amore
When you dance down the street with a cloud at your feet
You're in love
When you walk down in a dream but you know you're not
Dreaming signore
Scuzza me, but you see, back in old Napoli
That's amore, (amore)That's amore

thinking...

Mon, 15 Dec 2003 06:56:51 GMT

i was swimming with sis last night, and we were looking over at the decors in lally's house...y'know the saying "and ina ay ang ilaw ng bawat tahanan"? well, it just occured to me na parang since my mom left, sumunod sa kanya yung ilaw...literally. hahaha, ang bright kasi nung bahay ni lally eh...wala lang. papa got all senti on me kanina, na parang he remembers how magical it was, building this home with mom daw...having to decide where what went and how things should be arranged...tapos daw mababalewala lang din. how depressing.

parang lahat ata ng tao down lately...to the crew, hey yous, we gotta keep each other afloat! hehe, don't be soo sad, family! i love you all! i'll try to go back to my perky self, okay? just give me a little time :)

mar mar baby, i agree with your song! it's actually my ringtone for when the berX call, hahaha! gayness anak :) don't be so sad honey...i know you miss your friends and we could never replace them, but for whatever it's worth we're all here and we love you and you are important to us :)

manang finally came home last night! i got to drive her to work today, hurrah! i miss her na talaga...she's changed so much, but i think in a good way...she's free-er, somehow. un na un. she's blooming at abs-cbn, and i'm happy for her.

i don't want to be sad, lalo na kasi i can't seem to pinpoint why exactly. sucky sucky. engy banana fo' life!

still want a band.

here with me.

Sun, 14 Dec 2003 03:39:30 GMT

In my head I have dreams
I have visions of many things
Questions, longings in my mind

Pictures fill my head
I feel so trapped instead but
Trapped doesn't seem so bad
'Cause You are here

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

In my heart I had hope
Built on dreams I'll never know
Answers to love left behind

Visions filled my head
I felt so trapped instead but
Trapped didn't seem so bad
'Cause You were near

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

I can't do anything without You
You give me strength to do anything
I can't be everything I try to
You saved me from the everything
I couldn't be

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
And I can try to justify
But I still need You here with me

It doesn't mean anything
Without You here with me
'Cause after all is said and done
I still need You here with me

Need You here with me
I need You here with me

hurt hurt hurt. but before that...

to the crew, thanks for watching...i missed all of you. celine, marian and gino, welcome to the family! hahaha, just kidding! bawaaaal. pero sa tatlong yun, salamat din.

and, watched papa's show at the orchard last night. i want a band!!! i told papa about it and he said i must find someone who agrees with me when it comes to music, shares my passion and is practical and sensible enough to know what can and cannot be done. hmm...ah basta. i just want to sing, mehn. sana balang araw mapanuod ng berX magperfrom and apo. hindi ako biased, they're really good! astig talaga.

i just realized that i can't post the hurt thing here. haha. basta. i'm pained. labo.

ivers, polo, benny and tin....salamat sa hugs at sa concern.

jealousy will rot my bones. so be it. pa kanta ulit. check out the lyrics.

I wish you blue birds in the spring
to give your heart a song to sing
and then a kiss
but more than this
I wish you love

and in July a lemonade
to cool your handsome, leafy glade
I wish you health, yet more than wealth
I wish you love

my breaking heart and I agree that you and I could never be
so with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
a cozy fire to keep you warm
but most of all
when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

my breaking heart and I agree
that you and I could never be
so with my best, my very best, I set you free

I wish you shelter from the storm
a cozy fire to keep you warm
but most of all
when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

oooh. need i italicize?? didn't think so. such a senti song. manang tin loves this, i think. she loves lisa ono. i miss her.

kaput.

Sun, 07 Dec 2003 20:27:38 GMT

my happinosity sure didn't last.

finally had the much awaited 'closure' talk. i was so not expecting that. i don't know what else to say, except...I'M SO SORRY. i never meant to hurt anybody. i guess all i wanted was to love and be loved in return...but it seems that that was too much, too soon, too...too everything. now i feel horrid, and i'm sure you feel much worse..whether or not you admit it, it was my fault, too. but there isn't anything we can do about it now, is there? RESPECT, move on, stay friends. we will ALWAYS be family. i meant what i said; i hope she has whatever it is that i don't to make you stay...it isn't easy for me either, despite what you might think.

i heard my immortal on the way home, turned the radio up and sang along with all my heart...then i heard so yesterday, and i half expected tears to fall-but they didn't. wow. i must be stronger than i thought.

mamar's e-mail about women said something about us being strong and equiped with a kiss and hug that can heal a broken heart...unfortunately, hearts thrown my way just seem to end up broken and in worse shape than when i hadn't touched them. sad.

sis told me earlier that it's okay, because although others have cried for me (more like becuase of me), i too have cried for many in the past. but that isn't my point...i would rather be the hurtee than the hurter. i really am sorry.

men, stay as far away as humanly possible. i'm a bad banana.

i really dislike this feeling. i apologize if i come across as arrogant. i'm just trying to be honest-these are the thoughts running through my head right now.

i need a hug.

more randomosity.

Sun, 07 Dec 2003 11:36:26 GMT

ehhe.

i'm soooo happpy! tin, thank you sooo much! i think the fact that i'm a greeter for God made me incredibly joyful! i'm ooberly excited kahit na kakaiba and aking magiging outfit ;) hehehe. sana hindi naman kayo mangarag ng todo...don't forget to eat ha. :)

hee. i've been checking out the wedding channel the whole day, as in literally! it's oober fun! i'm still there now, actually. hehehe.

had a chat fest with marts and polo kanina...our conversation kind of took a turn towards seriosity. grabe...polo and i became sentimental bananas, and i think mar got a bit, er, lost (sorry about that baby). but even after they had gone offline, my thoughts stayed on the things we discussed...affected ako, mehn. lalo na when they were talking about the romantic things their parents still did...wala akong ma share. loserrr! pero in fairness snicker dee ang sweet mo rin ah! swerte future asawa mo, promise! :) i like the proposal thing, although it isn't really for me...i mean, not my type of proposal. i don't need a bonggacious banana; just for the man i love to want me to marry him, gets? :) mali ata grammar ko. ewan.

got to chat with benny today! thanksgiving daw sa kanila, nakakain siya ng turkey pero mas gusto daw niyta ng chickenjoy. hahaha. astiiig :)

can't wait for the variety show...right ivers? *wink* haha. and of course, the ccf celebration and the berX christmas dinner! yahu! hee.

got an e-mail today, astig. about best friends na opposite sex. ras, tart, whoever else...see if you can relate. waiting, i shall paste.

They forget you're a girl. They have been calling you "dude" for
such a long time that they have forgotten your gender (PRECISELY WHY I REFUSE TO BE ADDRESSED IN THAT MANNER.). This is why you hear your guy friend say, "Whoa!" when he sees you all dressed and made up. This is why they think its okay to salivate
over other girls and comment on their bodies when you're around.

This is the reason they tell disgusting jokes and expect you to laugh with them. Don't expect them to open doors for you and yes, don't expect them to carry your things. And unless you start wearing skirts to show off your legs, it will probably take a bump on their heads to remember you're a girl.

Sometimes, they can take you for granted. You have been with them so long that they expect you to hang around forever. If they blow off your plans because they suddenly got a date with some hot chick, they expect you to grin and bear it. If they ask you to befriend this girl they have got the hots for so they can get on her good side, they expect you to do it for them, even if you hate her guts. Lets face it. Most men really need a dose of sensitivity.

You may end up as a girlfriend substitute. This happens a lot, especially with males who are afraid of commitment. You end up going to his prom or to his all-important office function as his date. He introduces you to his parents just to stop them from asking about his almost non-existent dating status. He finds security in your friendship and seeks comfort in your companionship. You become his ultimate excuse for not going out with other women.

They can dump you when their girlfriends get too jealous. Since you are expected to always be the perfect and understanding friend, they don think you're going to mind if they stop hanging out with you. "She doesn't understand why we have to go out and watch movies when I can do it with her." But you've got to understand the guy. He's probably pretty sick of hearing her whine, "Why is she texting you again? Doesn't she have any other friends?" and "What! You're going out again? But you just went out with her last week!" And just in case that particular relationships ends, they expect to be able to pick up from where they left and resume the friendship like nothing happened. Yes, friends make sacrifices, even hard ones.

They can fall in love with you. If I get a peso for every single time this has happened in history, I can probably buy that Ford F150 now. Unless you feel the same way about your guy friend and you want the friendship to become more than just that, the situation may not be pretty. Either you forget about it and laugh about it when you get older or your friendship goes ka-put. Definitely not a good way to end things.

And lastly, there's always that bit of possibility... You might end up falling in love with them.

haha, tama. mainam. don't expect them to open doors and carry your things. :P

moving on.

have to be in school by 7:30 tomorrow, i'm guessing i'll be puyat again. anyway, i'm praying i get to bring the rav so iverson can drive some more. hee.

finally downloaded fast car...ang lungkot pala nito...engers ko. pero okay lang, i stil like it anyway. gay banana.

hope to see peter tomorrow! ateneo, anyone? (ehem mar ehem ives) :) hehehe.

miss the crew! ano be kayo, paramdam naman oh! japs, sungit mo. inaaway mo ko, minsan na nga lang tumawag eh. ok fine...

just kidding. aioo japs! (i can hear you now..."tapos?!")

happy happy, joy joy!